These Rivers of Suggestion Are Driving Me Away

I’m a geek, and as such each post title from South America is a reference to something, usually a quote or a song lyric. For the terminally bored, here’s a list of all the references.

I Like to Party

Song lyric from the song “Make Luv” by Room 5. Classic modern disco cheese. It was a good leaving party.
http://youtu.be/t4ZgnU5m27o

Parting is such sweet sorrow

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2, line 184. I was leaving my friends.
http://www.enotes.com/romeo-and-juliet-text/act-ii-scene-ii?start=2#rom-2-2-184

Tonight We Fly

One of my favourite songs of all time from The Divine Comedy. I was taking a flight in the night, but of course this song is about life itself, in particular the amazing final verse. Fittingly, this link to a live performance has subtitles in Spanish. Esta noche volamos!
http://youtu.be/93-pZYeiRRA

Arrival

Obvious why I used this, but where’s it from? Well it could be the title of the first episode of The Prisoner, though that would be a bit to dark. I link to think it’s from the Abba album.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrival_%28ABBA_album%29

World in Motion

A day of football titled by the title of the best football song ever, and of course it also references the amount of travelling I did that day.
http://youtu.be/FhSZFrII40Y

I Don’t Want to Go out, I Just Want to Stay in.

Didn’t do much this day, so this misheard lyric from Modern Love by David Bowie seemed to be appropriate. Kinda summed up my whole trip, strangely. Here he is in all his 80’s glory:
http://youtu.be/vF3SBrLrgmE

Let the Good Times Roll

Not sure where the original reference came from, but for cool points let’s go with the BB King album.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_the_Good_Times_Roll_%28album%29

It Takes Two to Tango

Important reference to Argentina, sex and the number two in this reference from common English idiomatic usage. I like the word "idiomatic", it’s one of my favourites.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takes_two_to_tango_%28idiom%29

Three’s a Crowd

Another idiomatic phrase used as a sequential increase on the previous post, but with a negative connotation given the difference with the previous two nights.
http://www.goenglish.com/TwosCompanyThreesaCrowd.asp

How Wonderful Life Is

From Elton John’s Your Song. About youthful, innocent love. Used to reflect how happy I was that day. Was later to become one of the songs of the trip, specifically Colombia, in the hands of Le Lambadour.
http://youtu.be/mTa8U0Wa0q8

Homage to Patagonia

Obvious why I used this, the title of a Lemon Jelly song from their .ky album. It is itself a reference to “A Homage to Catalonia” by George Orwell.
http://youtu.be/U5xo9xVHEWU

I Walked down to the Beach

A reference to my lakeside visit, from a lyric from New Order’s Blue Monday. Here’s the ’84 remix:
http://youtu.be/ftJZomwDhxQ

Take a Walk, Take a Rest

A lyric from Karmacoma from Massive Attack. Referring to my walk up Cerro Catedral. Here’s a crazy video for it filmed in County Hall.
http://youtu.be/MGwcz_DzyyI

Red Hot Peppers (and other similar puns)

For once it’s not a quote. But the missing word from the popular rock/fund band’s name is, of course, Chilli. Which sounds a lot like Chile. Geddit?!?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers

Running up That Hill

From the Kate Bush song title. Reference to finding my camera on top of the hill of Puerto Varas. Here’s the video in all its original kook-fest-y glory.
http://youtu.be/GuLlwUaEyr0

Ring of Fire

From the Johnny Cash song about eating curry. Reference to the volcano that I walked up, itself part of the Pacific Ring of Fire.
http://youtu.be/gRlj5vjp3Ko

Return to Patagonia

From the other Lemon Jelly song about Patagonia, this time from the Lost Horizons album.
http://youtu.be/eyqAAWDUY0o

Perfect Dorm

An oblique reference to the hostel I was staying in, which was one of the nicest that I had been to, mainly for its view over the lake. A misquote taken from the book and rather average film Perfect Storm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Perfect_Storm

What’s new, Buenos Aires?

A misquote of the name of the website What’s Up Buenos Aires, that I used a bit while I was there. Pleasingly abbreviates to WUBA. For my first return to BA.
http://whatsupbuenosaires.com/

There and Back Again

The subtitle to the book by JRR Tolkein known as The Hobbit. A reference to my fleeting visit to Uruguay. The first of two. So not only did I go there and back again, I also went from there and back again.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hobbit

Heading up Paraná Way

Again not a quote. This is a mixture of the line from Love Shack by the B52’s: “I’m heading down the Atlanta highway,” and the reference to Paraguay in the famous capoeira song Paraná Ê, which to English ears sounds like Paraná Way. Paraná is the name for Paraguay as well as the name of the river that runs through Brazil, Argentina and the Iguaçu Falls. It’s also a state in Brazil.

http://youtu.be/leohcvmf8kM
http://www.capoeira-connection.com/main/content/view/195/73/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paran%C3%A1_River

Many Rare and Precious Things I Have Tried to Call Mine

A lyric quote from the Divine Comedy song Lost Property. Used as a reference to my phone that was lost or stolen.
http://youtu.be/RnlLhq1kW10

She’ll Carry on through It All

The first of three waterfall-based quotes for Iguaçu, this first one from the Stone Roses song Waterfall.
http://youtu.be/dQUxCQxu9og

Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls

Another waterfall reference, from the TLC song Waterfalls.
http://youtu.be/m-n-jZJhpT4

She’s a Waterfall

The money shot, as it were, from the Stone Roses.
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/stone+roses/waterfall_20132494.html

Fly to El Salvador, I Don’t Know Why and I Don’t Know What for

A quote with the word Salvador in it, in reference to the town, from the song El Salvador by Athlete.
http://youtu.be/1kpAxKm8wSs

I Like to Party, Everybody Does

A bit of a faux pas here as I use the same reference for the second time. Still, S Club 7 were wrong, there ain’t no party like a Salvador carnival party. Quite literally.
http://youtu.be/UGRgaBjvks0

The Long Dark Night of the Soul

A reference to the poem by St. John of the Cross, of course, by way of Douglas Adams’ Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, originally mentioned in Life, the Universe and Everything as a term to describe Sunday afternoons. Used here as a reference to having to go out and party with a bad hangover. I also like the fact that it is used in episode five thousand, three hundred and seventy-one of The Bold and the Beautiful, a programme I first saw when Alain's grandmother was watching it while I staying at his house in Sydney.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul

Everybody Dance Now

Reference to more partying and also to the sample used in the Bob Sinclair song Rock this Party. Mr. Sinclair was in the house, or more correctly on a lorry or a bus, that night. The sample is from Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) by C&C Music Factory.
http://youtu.be/ifZ0U2Osavc

Her Name is Rio and She Dances on the Sand

Yes we’re in Rio, and the only song you can reference is of course by Duran Duran. Ironically of course, in Rio, there is no river. Just a bay. That’s what this song is actually about.
http://youtu.be/E5c0NeG-8ZI

Christ!

A reference to Christ the Redeemer taken from a quote from one of the great lost indie songs, Time for the Rest of Your Life by Strangelove.
http://youtu.be/F9c9XLL5T_I

Put on Your Dancing Shoes, You Saucy Little Swine

A night of clubbing is celebrated by this modern classic from the Arctic Monkeys. Why haven’t you talked to her yet? Hmm?
http://youtu.be/5H1sqXNZkbE

A Simple Prop, to Occupy My Time

The key lyric from the often misunderstood R.E.M. song The One I Love. Superimposed fireworks have never looked better.
http://youtu.be/8AKycxKtHLo

The Road to Nowhere

The famous Talking Heads song title is used as a reference that I booked a hostel that I thought was in Rio, and while technically that was the case, it was actually miles away from anywhere.
http://youtu.be/AWtCittJyr0

It Took Me Years to Write, Will You Take a Look?

A reference to writing taken from the Beatles song Paperback Writer. Always thought this was a Lennon song. Turns out it’s a McCartney. Awesome bassline in this song.
http://youtu.be/Pwap79uy1G8

Gotta Get a Message to You

The lyric from the Bee Gees song Message to You (about someone on Death Row) is used in reference to me trying to contact the Brazilian girl.
http://youtu.be/EmI4Qh03IKM

On the Beach

The apocalyptic Nevil Shute novel title serves as a reference to the place where I was stuck.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Beach_%28novel%29

We Accept American Dollars

A reference to the currency of Ecuador, taken from the title of the song by post-rockers Billy Mahonie. Remarkably, it’s on youtube.
http://youtu.be/yBosqHOyiDk

Higher than the Sun

The Primal Scream song title is used as a reference to the effects of altitude on me.
http://youtu.be/sPYUM27QWMw

Take My Breath Away

Altitude sickness and a mugging provide an excuse to reference this classic piece of 80s cheese. What a synth-bassline! Dum-dum-dum-de-dum!
http://youtu.be/NEOem7U2LPE

You Come to Me with Excuses

A lyric quote from R.E.M.’s classic Country Feedback provides a reference to me trying to explain why I wasn’t hitting the bars.
http://youtu.be/u9ceVz5I3vw

Turn Left

Catherine Tate’s best moment in Doctor Who and probably the best episode in Series 4 is used as a reference to Fiona’s similarity to the same actress.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn_Left_%28Doctor_Who%29

Wave of Mutilation

There are only two song titles you can use as a reference to Tsunamis that I am aware of. The first is the rather obvious Tsunami by Manic Street Preachers. The other is this song by The Pixies, used here.
http://youtu.be/BihjWa47WuM

Our Time is Running Out

Dying camera batteries are a reason to reference the main lyric from this Muse song.
http://youtu.be/pzpGk44UXKQ

When Tomorrow Comes

This classic Eurythmics song – and one of their best – is used as a reference to the fact that I never knew what was going to happen next.
http://youtu.be/QFZKnjrzVcY

Money, That’s What I Want

Classic r’n’b blues song, covered by the Beatles but most imaginatively by the Flying Lizards. I needed cash.
http://youtu.be/3_iQZiVD_zA

We Are Your Friends

One of my favourite songs ever – what a bassline – used as a reference to the friends I’d made on Isabella.
http://youtu.be/6zo1-XlazvY

You Will Be Upgraded

My first ever airline upgrade is referenced by this slogan from the new series' Cybermen.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Cybermen#Common_Phrases

Oh No, Not Again

My camera batteries ran out, again. So I used this reference from Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OhNoNotAgain

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for

Trying to find the right bus to Canoa proved difficult. So I used the title from one of U2’s most boring songs. So here’s a literal video version which is much more hilarious.
http://bit.ly/bCH7ax

Avalanche

Surprisingly I only had one bus journey in the whole of South America disrupted by natural forces. In this case a mud slide. So I referenced this awesome New Order instrumental.
http://youtu.be/gPRw-_jOhFA

Waiting for the Sun

I was waiting for the sun, so I used this Doors album title. I don’t know the actual album.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waiting_for_the_Sun

My Future’s So Bright

The full lyric is “My future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades,” which is a reference to the fact that I bought new sunglasses this day. Here’s the original 80s cheese-fest and a totally awesome video.
http://youtu.be/wvIAyxpjEuc

There’s Always the Sun

Here comes the sun would have been too obvious. So instead I referenced this late-period Stranglers tune.
http://youtu.be/jwP9kTMRM88

Go to the Cash Machine

I went into the cash machine in San Vincente today, which is why I quoted this Hard-Fi song lyric.
http://youtu.be/5z7JgJedjRc

I’m Miles from Where You Are

Missing home really badly this day, so this lyric from a suitably depressing Snow Patrol song seemed to do the trick.
http://youtu.be/bfa9yxCpWoA

And I Might as Well Just Grin and Bear It

My favourite Blur song about hangovers provides the title to this post about a day spent hungover.
http://youtu.be/I1bx3GqSx3Y

I’m Lazy as a Man Can Be

Didn’t do loads this day, hence this quote from the X-Press 2 featuring David Byrne song Lazy. What a great lyric.
http://youtu.be/G3lJwyQ_2Qg

Roll up!

For the Magical Mystery Tour from Canoa to Montañita.
http://youtu.be/I2qLjQbRv3w

Ghost Town

There was no one around. So this song about Coventry seemed to be appropriate.
http://youtu.be/RZ2oXzrnti4

There’s a Starman...

A conversation about astrology inspired this quote from the David Bowie song Starman. So here’s the song in Brazilian Portuguese to link with South America, from the excellent film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
http://youtu.be/ykghg4E9nzw

Jump in the Pool

A nightclub with a swimming pool. This Friendly Fires song seemed appropriate.
http://youtu.be/ofRCldHb7X0

Don’t Cut off Your Dreadlocks

A reggae band with dreadlocks? This song title from ancient reggae artist Linval Thompson seems appropriate. Remarkably, there’s footage of it on YouTube. Who would have thought?
http://youtu.be/4qN_CJrq2pk

Dances on the Sand

A club on a beach? This quote from Rio seems suitable, despite it not taking place in Rio itself.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/duranduran/rio.html

The Hangover

I was hungover. The film is awesome.
http://youtu.be/vhFVZsk3XEs

The End of the Road

My last day in Montañita before my cross continental trek to Florianopolis. This crappy Boys 2 Men song seemed appropriate for my last proper day on the Ecuadorean coast.
http://youtu.be/-oqgTA6N-iw

Leave Them All Behind

And so the journey begins. This Ride song serves as a reference to those I had met, and its imagery of travel is relevant too.
http://youtu.be/RRCVlaNTN2Y

Return to Sender

I was back in Quito, where I had started by Ecuadorean journey. Elvis described it well. I never loved Elvis. Except for Suspicious Minds.
http://youtu.be/Z54-QHEZN6E

The Moment Has Been Prepared for

The Fourth Doctor’s last words “It’s the end, but the moment has been prepared for,” echoed my feelings towards the sad news I received today.
http://youtu.be/8x5x7HnBEO0

The One Where They're Going to Party

The title is from a Friends episode, which is relevant here as of course it refers both to my friends Alain and Ryan, and partying, which is what we did.
http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-where-theyre-going-to-party!/episode/426/summary.html

I Can’t Remember

Lack of memory prompts this quote from the Therapy? song happily titled Die Laughing. It’s a tune.
http://youtu.be/q1XGGCFsU2Y

Performance

Another stage appearance by me means this famous Mick Jagger film gets a post title. Or is it the Pet Shop Boys live video?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Performance_%28film%29
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pet-Shop-Boys-Performance-DVD/dp/B0002TTTJM

Walking on the Beaches

The Stranglers get a quote again. This time “Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches,” from the song Peaches, references the flesh on display in Florianopolis. Undoubtedly the best on the continent, and that’s saying something.
http://youtu.be/8aI9k06dGpg

And When the Night Falls

A night of dancing within a particular style begs this reference to the Whitney Houston hit I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me). Nothing more 80s than this video. Look at the colours!
http://youtu.be/RzVWUJucOCo

All the Boys Think She’s a Spy

Another 80s classic as Ryan’s love for Kim Carnes’ hit Bette Davis Eyes came to the fore on this day. The 80s was a big decade for rhythmical slapping of people’s faces (cf. New Order, True Faith).
http://youtu.be/_-RdAzkKlXY

Surfin’ Safari

You safari in deserts, right? They have sand, yeah? And surfin’ is what we did. So let’s reference the Beach Boys. Yay! Thxbye!
http://youtu.be/FS7SUFz36lg

Waiting for My Man

Lou Reed’s song about unreliable drug dealers doubles in this case for our dealings with estate agents that are on holiday.
http://youtu.be/MOmZimH00oo

Hey Mr. Cab Driver

Cab drivers trying to rip you off? This song by Lenny Kravitz covers off the same feelings.
http://youtu.be/PZ8V-FktUNk

He is Risen

Doctor Who as Jesus? RTD tried to make him a god. But now the Grand Moff’s in charge and we have a different take.
http://dai.ly/axbj58

They Say It’s Your Birthday

Well Happy Birthday to you! The Beatles song is the reference for Justin’s birthday.
http://youtu.be/m_Nz9B1XFio

Somehow a Final Connection Is Made

Trying to connect a laptop or an iPod to a TV in a foreign country isn’t easy. Elastica’s song Connection provides the, er, link.
http://youtu.be/jbvkwiFg3Yw?hd=1

I Know a Lot about Art, but I Don’t Know What I Like

This was an ironic mis-quote or, if you will, “joke,” from, I think, Stephen Fry. I can’t find a clip of it so instead have this clip of their best ever sketch. We went to an art gallery on this day, and I wrote a treatise about my current appreciation of art.
http://youtu.be/uiV4F7HWHRk

Another Day in Paradise

The Phil Collins song is used as a reference to the joy of Buenos Aires.
http://youtu.be/U66rzHtW2qQ

Lovecats

I found out today that “cats” (gattos) is Spanish or Argentinean slag for easy women, so this Cure song title seemed right.
http://dai.ly/d4BggU

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

The last night in BA with my friends deserves this camaraderie-inspired song from the Toy Story soundtrack.
http://youtu.be/zB2gPZRsz0Q

Shaking Through

Another hangover reference comes from this R.E.M. song.
http://youtu.be/rnqUf5HTbVM

Sail Away

A boat party in Guanabara Bay is an excuse to reference the Enya hit. Doesn’t she look grumpy in the video. Lighten up love! The Orinoco is, of course, in South America. And the name of a Womble.
http://youtu.be/xfVJ11GXzXQ

Crosstown Traffic

The Hendrix classic serves at the title for this post about traffic jams in Rio. “So hard to get through to you,” – so true.
http://youtu.be/YUCNsZXCd58

Living in a Box

Sleeping in a box at least references this 80s pop hit. Tune. We all remember the ballerina in Room in Your Heart…
http://youtu.be/ZHt_GzOgjvA

Ask

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: asking around for where to find things meant I could use this Smiths song title in my post. I’ve started something I couldn’t finish. Panic!
http://youtu.be/CEpAtTe-oJY

We Meet Again, at Last

This is Darth Vader’s first comment to Obi-Wan Kenobi when they meet on the Death Star at the end of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. So I used it here as a reference to meeting the people I met in Sucre.
http://tiny.cc/z3j4y

In Limbo

Nothing much was happening in Uyuni while we waited for our trip to start, so this Radiohead song title seems appropriate.
http://dai.ly/aPIYxU

I’m in a Wide Open Space

The plains of Salar de Uyuni are a great excuse to reference this awesome Mansun song.
http://tiny.cc/6gxs5

Volcano Day

Lots of volcanoes this day, so this phrase from the Doctor Who episode Fires of Pompeii seems right.
http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/The_Fires_of_Pompeii

You Won’t Get Me, I’m Part of the Union

Union disruption was a good reason to use this quote from The Strawbs’ song Part of the Union. Just like Born in the USA or The One I Love, this is one of the great misunderstood songs of all time. It’s criticising the power of the unions, only to be taken up as a rallying call by the unions themselves.
http://youtu.be/KdOCWUgwiWs

City Calling Me out into the Night

An oblique reference to the kinds of things that happen in La Paz. Quote taken from the song Going Under by Rocker’s Hi-Fi, remixed excellently by Kruder & Dorfmeister.
http://youtu.be/admnPVcPDdg

Making Plans

A day of planning so I used this quote from the XTC song Making Plans for Nigel. Another song about the state of the economy in 1970s Britain.
http://youtu.be/0C6bVckO_CM

We Could Be Heroes

Sanji looks vaguely like Mohinder from Heroes, so that’s an excuse to use a reference to one of David Bowie’s most awesomest hits.
http://youtu.be/zQFuNHCMF2Y

Journey to the Centre of the Earth

Cusco was the Inca’s centre of the earth, so my trip to Cusco was much like the title of this Jules Verne novel.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Journey_to_the_Center_of_the_Earth

Take Me by the Hand

The idea behind this title was that the travel agent did all my work for me so I didn’t have to do anything to book my trip to Machu Picchu. But now I’m reviewing it I can’t remember where I took this quote from. Apparently it’s a Peter Frampton song title, so that counts for something I guess.
http://tiny.cc/77hjt

I’m Just Killing Time

Not much to do this day so this quote from the Radiohead song True Love Waits seems right.
http://youtu.be/tKGHVpV7V3k

As I Journeyed through the Valley

One of the most impressive things about the trip to Machu Picchu is the journey through the valley that contains Ollantaytambo. This misquote from Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise seemed to fit.
http://youtu.be/WUTJgk0HFqw

Touched by the Hand of God

This is a poetic reference to my take on the city of Machu Picchu. Taken from the great New Order song, with a great video directed by Kathryn Bigelow (Break Point, The Hurt Locker) apparently.
http://youtu.be/dMYBQeukrJk

A Series of Small Walls

A day of archaeology is referenced by this quote from Eddie Izzard about what archaeologists usually find. Here it is!
http://youtu.be/U6y-jn6jGbM

Why Does Everything Have to Be Such a Performance?

Annoying actor bloke reminds me of this quote from Tim Bisley of Spaced fame (i.e. Simon Pegg) in the episode Art (S01E03). Fuck me I just found the whole thing online!
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/comedy/watch/v18526857skfApQyD

Saying, as He Drowned the Third...

Harry Graham had it down best for annoying kids.
http://www.ruthlessrhymes.com/ruthless_rhymes/s_the_stern_parent.html

A Man, a Plan, a Canal: Panama!

A one-off stop in Panama allowed me to use this famous palindrome.
http://www.fun-with-words.com/palin_first_panama.html

Blame Canada

Sometimes you can be too nice. Something that affects a lot of Canadans. Stone and Parker had it right.
http://youtu.be/LAYMJnO9LBQ

I Like to Watch TV

It’s a quote from many places, I’ll take the Peter Sellers film Being There.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078841/quotes

Wastin' Time

The last line of the chorus from Otis Redding’s famous Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. I was waiting for a bus.
http://youtu.be/UCmUhYSr-e4

Vote Saxon

It’s the election! So I used this Doctor Who reference.
http://www.haroldsaxon.co.uk/

I Was Born to Be a Dancer

Some quality dancing this day, so have some Kaiser Chiefs.
http://youtu.be/-Y_NFbSfdXA

Where Were You While We Were Getting High?

Missed out on a party? This quote from Oasis – Champagne Supernova applies.
http://youtu.be/g3C7DECI0jU

And So the Conversation Turned, As the Sun Went Down

Strangely extensive discussions about politics, economics and religion? This quote from the Human League’s (Keep Feeling) Fascination fits the bill.
http://youtu.be/QqqBs6kkzHE

One Man’s Freedom Fighter

…is another’s terrorist. So it was with Pablo Escobar. The quote is used extensively, but I like it in the song Star by Primal Scream. Nice bassline.
http://youtu.be/ZAANDIe4T7M

You’re Gone from Here and You Will Disappear

A quote from the Keane song Everybody’s Changing denotes movement, yes?
http://youtu.be/Zx4Hjq6KwO0

Here Comes the Sun

Back on the coast, with the heat and the sunshine and the good weather. The Beatles get it this time.
http://youtu.be/U6tV11acSRk

Come, Dowsed in Mud

Mud volcano, mud lyric? Nirvana supply.
http://youtu.be/vabnZ9-ex7o

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

More travel, more waiting for buses. Jack Johnson provides the song title.
http://youtu.be/B8nHiDL22as

New Sensation

Sensations, the bar meet INXS, the band with a song title. Also: meeting lots of people in a bar randomly, like I was on this continent for four months or something.
http://youtu.be/6jujG5X9iZs

I Was Swimming in the Caribbean

Possibly the greatest Pixies song, Where Is My Mind, used at the end of Fight Club. Contains the line used for this post title. That’s all you need to know.
http://youtu.be/gGXdXcpNsv4

I Fought the Law

…with diplomatic immunity. Still, it worked. This Clash song was the obvious reference. I always thought this was a joke song. I couldn’t take it seriously.
http://youtu.be/MBeT4ptY9sY

Float on

A day spent floating on a lilo allowed me to refer to this classic Modest Mouse tune.
http://youtu.be/qOzphMgOETA

In the Jungle

Surely no explanation needed? Quote taken from The Lion Sleeps Tonight.
http://youtu.be/0cD9cBEaNBc

We’ll Find Our Own Way Home Somehow

Two levels of reference in this quote. Firstly, it refers to the differing ways we as a group returned home. Secondly, the title of the song is Papillon, the nickname of Henri Charrière and title of his autobiography whose path I crossed at this point in Colombia, and I talk about in the post. In this song Editors channel Joy Division something rotten, and the video has lots of people running, and then disappearing. Like you do.
http://youtu.be/Wq4tyDRhU_4

Cocktail Time, a Summer's Tune, a Whole Night's Holiday

The house party was much like this quote. Although the lyrics from the song are pretty crap in places. But don’t worry, you can suntan.
http://youtu.be/AkTRh5YlEVE

I Wake up Just to Go Back to Sleep

A lot of sleeping today. It’s as though I’m … slightly … mad? Crazy? What’s the word? Dizzee, you provided the quote, how would you say it?
http://youtu.be/b94beDQQtWI

The Art of Dining Well Is No Slight Art, the Pleasure not a Slight Pleasure

So said the appropriately French Michel de Montaigne, with this appropriately food-based quote.
http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/33519.html

9 out of 10 Dogs Said That They Preferred…

This is a reference to a famous joke about gang rape and mixed with the famous ad slogan, changed from cats to dogs. Fun times.
http://www.sickipedia.org/joke/view/11077

El Pibe

It means “the kid” and is the nickname for Carlos Valderama. Gotta love his crazy hair.
http://www.sday.gr/Uploads/05_2010/CarlosValderama.jpg

Up in the clouds

This is a quote from the great Radiohead song Where I End and You Begin, used to refer to the ascent from the Colombian Caribbean Coast to the Andes in Bogotá and the change in weather that went with it.
http://youtu.be/vW_9rY6OF3Y

Leave

At the end of a continent… This R.E.M. song title has it quite succinct.
http://youtu.be/SQNDfUvDmvY

The End of the Affair

This Graham Greene novel title is used as a reference to the end of the journey, and my thoughts towards travelling in general.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_End_of_the_Affair

Is It Any Wonder?

This Keane song title is used as a reference to the explanatory nature of this post. And the lyric “Is it any wonder I’m tired?” which is appropriate given my energy levels during this trip.
http://youtu.be/fVe_KVzBFOo

These Rivers of Suggestion Are Driving Me Away

A quote from the R.E.M. song So. Central Rain (Southern Central Rain) which references oblique references. Much like the titles of the posts on this blog! And "Driving Me Away" has a sense of finality about it...
http://youtu.be/9rLlVWrvO-Q

Is It Any Wonder?

Well, about two and a half months after returning I thought I’d write something about what I felt about the trip, to put it into context and extract any meaning out of it, if there is any.

Probably the most significant thing about this trip, which was evident from before I left, was that I really missed my life and friends in London. It seems strange for me to say that because it’s something that I’ve never felt before. But over the last year, 2009, a lot of things fell into place. And leaving was very hard, mainly because at the time I thought I wouldn’t be seeing three of my best friends when I returned. As it turns out, that wasn’t the case. But still, I found my thoughts frequently wandering back to Hammersmith throughout the trip. I guess it wasn’t so bad, as I knew I was always going home at the end.

Another thing that I realised was that the thing about travelling that is the most enjoyable, which actually has little to with travel at all, is that I’m not working. This is a little worrying as it’s something that I’m going to have to face for the foreseeable future. But working is a chore for me and I enjoy life when I’m not doing it. Perhaps I need to change my job, perhaps I just have to accept it. Who knows? Does it matter?

Fatigue played a large part as well. Things started off well, but I think the simple fact is that I have a constitution that needs a lot of fuel and if there’s one thing that is hard to do when you’re travelling, particularly in a foreign country, is to eat regularly and to eat well. As a result after about the first month I found myself feeling really tired all the time. It’s a bit of a general problem and I’m actually reading a book about that very subject right now.

Perhaps the lowest part of my trip was being in Ecuador without many people to hang out with, when my aunt died. That was tough to take. Ecuador in general was a bit lonely, apart from the Galapagos Islands. Just the way it worked out, I guess. And getting mugged in Quito probably didn’t help.

However looking at these points it seems that I might be a bit negative about the whole thing. There were still some awesome moments. My first week in Buenos Aires stands out pretty well. Cycling in Bariloche. Iguaçu was beautiful. Salvador carnival – the first night at least – was amazing to see. Meeting Alain again and Ryan. Galapagos. Sandboarding in Florianopolis. The amazing landscapes of Salar de Uyuni. The people I met in La Paz and Cusco. The landscape of Machu Picchu. All of Colombia from Medellin to Bogotá. The beauty of the Andes. The heat of the coastline. The people I met. All of it was great.

Having said that, I think this will be last major travelling thingy that I’ll do for the foreseeable future. I’ve seen most of what I wanted to. I can see the patterns, the nature of humanity, how culture develops, the slums, the billions of poor who are barely surviving, the ancient monuments echoing the sound of civilisations long past. I always like seeing the larger perspective and I’ve seen it now. I know how the other half live, and Hammersmith averages out pretty well. It makes me happy to be alive. I can see the sound and the fury as it rushes past, and I smile.

The End of the Affair

Fri 28 May
Madrid – London

After a bit of sleep they server breakfast and then we’re back in Europe. The bit of Madrid airport that I’m in is pretty nice, all modern multicoloured architecture. BA are on strike but they have a charter plane on hire to take us back to London.

I walk through the Iris scanner and I’m first at the carousel. I get my bags and leave the airport to meet up with my parents. I couldn’t imagine anything happier.

I’d like to end with a quote from Travis which kept running through my head and has a certain relevance.

“The grass is always greener on the other side
Baby’s got a new car that you wanna ride
Your time is running out you wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live we all will die
There is no wrong
There is no right
The circle only has one side”

Travis – Side

Still to come – my thoughts on the trip as a whole, and some important references.

Leave

Thu 27 May
Bogota – Madrid

Another rainy and cloudy day in Bogotá, there wasn’t much incentive to go out and do things. I spent most of the day killing time, surfing the net. Joe and Craig hang out with me and watch TV. Then the time comes and I say goodbye. It feels like a big moment, saying goodbye to the last of my friends that I made in South America. This was truly it – the start of my journey home. The end of the longest trip abroad I have ever had. I had lived out of a suitcase for four and a half months. Which goes to show how little we really need.

I take a taxi to the airport. The driver tries to talk to me and I have my last broken English / broken Spanish conversation. I tell him where I’ve been and he seems impressed. It’s been a long old distance.

I arrive at the airport and it appears that my flight has been brought forward by an hour and will be boarding shortly. So it’s just as well I arrived in good time.

I’m flying Iberia and unlike the luxury of Alitalia there are no personal TV screens, just one large one at the front of the cabin. It seems to be showing some film of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as a tooth fairy, with Stephen Merchant as some supporting character. What a combination.

They keep the lights on for ages and I have trouble falling asleep. Luckily it doesn’t matter. I don’t need sleep where I’m going.

Up in the Clouds

Wed 26 May
Taganga – Bogotá

Another night, another overnight bus journey. This would be my last. We stopped at some time in the morning and had breakfast at a service station. I had a Frosties and yogurt combination. It seemed to be the safest thing on offer.

Shortly after that we started our ascent into Bogotá. Having been at sea level on the Caribbean coast, I was (again, for the last time) winding my way back up through the Andes, two and a half kilometres high. There was some film on that was boring enough to send me back to sleep. When I woke up again I watched Sherlock Holmes on my laptop, which was pretty good fun. I then listened to Stephen Fry read Harry Potter and promptly fell back into a deep sleep which saw me all the way to the capital, where Joe had to forcefully wake me up.

We have a bit of hassle finding a hostel but get one eventually. I took a private room as it’ll be my last night in South America. We go and wonder around the town to look at a few sights. It’s cloudy, rainy and wet and everything looks a little drab. There are people on the streets selling umbrellas, and so I learn probably my last piece of Spanish vocab: paragua (from para agua: against water).

We go to a cable car which goes up the side of a mountain, much like the ones in Quito and Medellin, but the top of the mountain is covered in cloud and it seems it’s closed anyway, so that’s a no go. Instead we head back to the hostel where completely by chance we meet some people that went to the same school as Craig and Joe. So we hang out with them and end up going to some random club/bar type place and spend the night there. It’s pretty good fun and everyone has a good time.

El Pibe

Tue 25 May
Taganga – Bogotá

We were leaving Taganga today and I wanted to get a picture overlooking the bay, so the first thing I did was to walk up the road to Santa Marta and take a snap. Heading back into town I met the guys and joined them for breakfast. While I was sitting there every now and then there would be a loud noise as something hard hit the ground beside me. They were large, dark brown, peach-stone-sized things. After a while I wondered where they were coming from so stood up to look. Turns out there was a massive lizard – at least a metre long – that was on a branch above the restaurant that was slowly and quietly having a poo from way up there. Luckily none of them hit me!

Anyway Joe, Craig and I were heading to Bogotá but the bus was in the evening and we had a lot of time to kill. So what better way to do that than head into Santa Marta and find the statue of Carlos Valderama, the still-living Colombian international footballer who has a crazy dyed-blonde mop-afro haircut? Nothing is better than that, and that’s a scientific FACT!

We found it and took pictures and then spent ages trying to find somewhere to eat that wasn’t a complete dump. After that we headed back into Taganga to pack and say our goodbyes. We all hugged and said goodbye. Apparently Lambadour was crying – I didn’t notice and it was probably just as well as it would have set me off as well. We took a taxi and set off for Santa Marta bus station. It was an emotional moment.

At the station we bought a bus ticket for about a third of the price that we were expecting, which was nice. Apparently it’s usually cheaper to fly, but not for us. No idea why that happened. Once on our way I fell asleep fairly quickly as usual on these journeys.

9 out of 10 Dogs Said That They Preferred…

Mon 24 May
Tanganga

So time passes and things come and go, and just like Star Trek: The Next Generation, all good things must come to an end. Today was the last full day of travelling proper, and it was the last evening the whole gang would have together. Etienne a.k.a. Le Lambadour, Craig, Joe (who to me always looked like a “Craig”), Millie and Lucy the Kiwi girls, and my good self all had one final dinner.

We were recommended a place in one of the back streets called Pachamama (Mother Earth). We hadn’t been there before so we went to check it out. The place was kitted out very nicely, though when we arrived the most notable thing was that there was a dog-gang-rape going on outside. It seemed that one of the many free-roaming dogs that exist throughout South America was on heat tonight and unluckily for her, every male dog in the local vicinity thought it would have a go. Well at least someone was having a good time.

Anyway despite the typically atrocious service and oppressive heat due to lack of fans in this open air restaurant we had a good meal and much drink, and talked about the fun that we had, or something like that. It’s two and half months later when I’m writing this and I can’t remember what we talked about. It was good fun though. It would be sad to leave this group. As I write it was only last Saturday that I was out at a bar for another leaving do, and I thought about Colombia briefly, and this group and the fun we had, and then I remembered I was in Hammersmith and with another group of people that I loved, and I thought how lucky I was.

The Art of Dining Well Is No Slight Art, the Pleasure not a Slight Pleasure

Sun 23 May
Taganga

(Montaigne)

This being Sunday, it meant it was a Doctor Who day. There was no Formula One.

In the evening Le Lambadour cooked for us for the last time. It was a blinder. While we had been treated before to merely excellent pasta, this time around was something different. A full on meal, based on rice, with two sauces. I can’t remember their flavours, but I do remember their awesomeness. It was a true taste sensation and it was an honour to eat it.

I Wake up Just to Go Back to Sleep

Sat 22 May
Taganga

I woke up, surfed the net, ate breakfast, intended to watch a Champions League match, but ended up sleeping for almost the whole day. It’s a tough life, but someone’s got to do it.

I wander into town and meet up with Craig and Joe. We have pizza for dinner and then meet up with the rest of the gang. We sit in the hostel and totally fail to go out and do anything.

Cocktail Time, a Summer's Tune, a Whole Night's Holiday

Fri 21 May
Taganga

Didn’t do much in the morning. I went down to the beach in the afternoon for a sunbathe. It was pretty hot at first though it became cooler later on. While we were there some random Aussies came along and invited us to a party they were having at a house they were renting further along the bay. Seemed like a good way to spend the evening. Of course being Aussies they were inviting everyone they could find. And being Aussies they had board shorts with the Australian flag on it. This is essential, standard wear for being Australian.

Dinner was once again cooked by our resident chef Lambadour. I say once again as he cooked for us once before, though I think I forgot to note it. Either way he’s no slouch in the kitchen and he did a great job.

Then we headed off to the house party. The place was jumping with pretty much the entire tourist population of Taganga. Everyone was having fun. Flip flops were lost. There was a swimming pool on the roof. Tunes were played. Apparently the police were searching people as the left, looking for drugs. They obviously didn’t realise that by the time people were going home, they wouldn’t have any drugs on them. I got to bed at about 4.30.

We’ll Find Our Own Way Home Somehow

Thursday 20 May
Tayrona National Park – Taganga

I had exactly one week left in South America. It would have been bad if I didn’t know I would have Hammersmith to go back to, and all that it means to me.

We woke up fairly early, there are no curtains on hammocks. We had breakfast, a swim, and lunch. I wondered to myself if this was the same Colombian jungle that Papillon travelled through during one of his escapes. I checked later and found that it was close enough – Guajira was just a bit further up the coast. Our paths had actually already crossed: he was held in prisons in Santa Marta and Barranquilla.

The others wanted to go back by land as it was cheaper. The boat was more convenient and expensive so I decided on that option. It was equally bumpy and wet as the trip over here. It was just as well I went by myself – the van that the others found only had enough room for them and even then it was an extreme squash.

Once back home I surfed the web and did stuff like that. In the evening we had a meal at Casa Felipe, the best restaurant in town. We had a few drinks and then headed off to bed early – I didn’t get much sleep in Tayrona.

In the Jungle

Wednesday 19 May
Taganga – Tayrona National Park

We had decided to go to Tayrona National Park. It is a jungle further up the Caribbean coast to the west, famed for its beauty and untouched nature. It also contains the Ciudad Perdida – the “Lost City” – which, thankfully, has since been found, otherwise it wouldn’t be much of a tourist attraction. However it takes six days to trek to the lost city and none of us had the time available for that. So we decided to go to the jungle for one night.

We arranged transport with some random local and ate breakfast. We came back to find our man, only to discover that he had decided to take some other people off somewhere to do something else. Presumably there was more money in it for him. We managed to find alternative transport from a man with a boat who took us along the coast. It took a while – a couple of hours I think – and the ride was pretty bumpy with the people at the front getting a good washing.

We arrived at the beach and it looked like paradise. All there was, was sea, sand, palm trees and jungle. There was one hut on a rock that held some hammocks. Immediately this beach was in the running for most awesome beach in the world. My previous two contenders were Paradise beach in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia, and Long Beach, Perhentian Islands, Malaysia. Goa gets an honourable mention for Palolem and Arambol beaches. But none of them could beat this place for lack of visible shoreline habitation.

As soon as we landed a woman came and made us pay our national park entry fee. We then set off and found the place where they deal with all the hammocks and reserved ours. It turns out that we should have received a wristband when we paid the entrance fee but that didn’t happen. We explained the situation to the rather over-dressed park warden (think full-on Bavarian military in green with additional gold ropey things from the shoulder) and he seemed to understand, though it probably helped that a group of aggressive chavs that were in the same situation caused a lot of problems for themselves by getting shouty and took the heat away from us.

Back from the shore and in a large clearing in the jungle there was a large area that consisted of a camping ground, a large hut with loads of hammocks, a basic restaurant and a shop selling snacks and booze. That was all there was, so we got busy and jumped in the sea. We spent the afternoon on the beach, swimming in the Caribbean and sunbathing.

After sunset we had drinks and dinner in the restaurant, playing cards and music with each other. La Lambadour dressed up as a Portuguese waiter, which was the first and last time he wore more than underpants for the entire time I knew him.

Eventually we made it back to the hammocks as the last – and probably the drunkest – people to go to bed. We may have annoyed some people.

Float on

Tuesday 18 May
Taganga

I was sneezing a lot this morning. How you can get a cold when it’s 35 degrees most of the time is a mystery to me. Thankfully it cleared up by the afternoon. Love me and leave me, why don’t you, random cold virus. I thought we had something.

I watched more grand prix in the morning. This must be very interesting for you to read. I think it’s only my mum that reads this. If you’re reading this and you’re not my mum, please let me know. Particularly if you’ve read every post. That’s top quality commitment. Or, as other people call it, stalking.

In the afternoon I seemed to have lost everyone so I spent it productively lying on a lilo in the practically deserted swimming pool in the hostel. I dozed in and out of sleep as I tried to deal with my constant tiredness. It was probably the closest I could get to being in a womb. That’s an unusual thought.

Later on I met up with the guys and we ended up watching The Shawshank Redemption at the hostel, which was projected on to the wall by the swimming pool. Its soporific nature helped me to sleep through about a third of it. It had been a very taxing day after all. Though most of the other guys fell asleep at some point as well. After it finished I was pretty sure I was going to go straight to bed.

But no! On came the music, out came the drinks and we all had a mini party in the hostel. It was pretty hardcore and lasted until the early hours. We all had a lot of fun. Sometimes the unexpected parties are the best.

I Fought the Law

Monday 17 May
Taganga

…and the law didn’t win. But before that…

Not much happened during the daytime today. I watched qualifying. I watched Doctor Who. I went for a sunbathe on the beach. I found the other guys when I was out shopping. We went for dinner and then afterwards went for a drink at the Mirador – a bar slightly up the hillside, overlooking the bay.

It was a pretty cool bar, we started talking to some Kiwi girls and had a few drinks. As we walked back to the hostel we started talking about how a few people we had met had been stopped by the police a lot and had a lot of hassle from them, and how we hadn’t experienced that at all. We had only finished making that point when a moped pulled up beside us and a cop got out and wanted to search us.

Luckily I didn’t have anything on me but we knew that one of the others in our group had a small bit of weed on him. So we knew what was coming. After emptying our pockets and going through the contents they found the weed.

Luckily a few days ago we were talking about this with another traveller. He had told us two important facts. The first is that in Colombia it is actually legal to carry five grams of cocaine and twenty-five grams of weed. Yes, you read that correctly. Twenty-five grams. The second fact was that if the cops stop you, you should always demand to speak to the British Embassy (or whichever country you think you come from). The one thing you don’t do is agree to a bribe.

So the cop took the weed and asked for the guy’s name. He only gave his first name. For some reason the cop thought this was enough. There was some talk in Spanish. He toyed with some handcuffs, presumably to scare us. There was another cop there. Some more talk. Eventually he said “immediate deportation”.

We said that we wanted to speak to the British Embassy. Luckily my Spanish stretched just about far enough. Quiero hablar Embajado Británico. It wasn’t quite right but it was close enough.

There was some more talk in Spanish. The cop pretended to talk into his walkie talkie again. Strangely, there didn’t seem to be anyone on the other end. More waiting. We told him that we wanted to speak to the British Embassy again, just in case he wasn’t sure.

“OK”, he said after a while. “Two thousand dollars.” Obviously an invisible judge had corrected him on his sentencing. What kind of system is it when the judiciary is run by ghosts? I was also wondering where anyone would get two thousand dollars from in the middle of the night in a town with no banks and a country where the cash machines don’t give out dollars. Apparently this wasn’t an issue for the cops. They really need to rethink their bribery tactics.

We still wanted to speak to the British Embassy. Again there was more talking in Spanish, and the people on the other end of the walkie talkie remained curiously silent. More waiting. More talking. More requests to speak to the British Embassy.

Fast forward a few minutes with more of the same. Then apropos of nothing it was “OK, you can go. Es illegal in Colombia,” he said, in case we weren’t sure. “Gracias,” we said, as we walked away.

When we got back to the hostel we rolled up a bit fat Colombian carrot* and spoke of the old country.

*I didn’t inhale, obviously.

I Was Swimming in the Caribbean

Sunday 16 May
Taganga

So someone had organised what was apparently a fishing trip. Seemed like a good idea. We were all a bit hungover but we went for it anyway. The day started at the large drink shop right on the beachfront. There was a lot of confusion and general faffing. In the heat it was a bit much for me so I sat on the beach until everyone had sorted out whatever it was that they had to sort out. And then we boarded a boat.

We travelled for a short while and headed to another bay around a headland. It was a more or less deserted beach with a collapsing wooden hut and a couple of very hungry looking, mangy, stray dogs. We set up base and did whatever we wanted to. I went for a swim (and snorkel) in the Caribbean Sea for the first time in over a decade and looked at the coral and the fishes. Of course it was no Sharm-el-Sheik but then very few places outside of Egypt are. Still, it was one of the better snorkelling sessions that I’ve had in the last few years. We drank some beer, played more songs on the guitar, did a bit of sun bathing. I chatted to some Canadian girls and commentated on the stray dogs who were sniffing each other’s behinds which they found amusing.

We took the boat back to Taganga shortly before the sun set. I went to withdraw some cash and found my card wasn’t working. I only had a few thousand pesos left (which isn’t much) so I took a taxi to Santa Marta to see if I could get money there. I tried about twenty thousand different cash machines but none of them worked, each time getting more and more desparate. I took the taxi back and he basically took all of my remaining money. However once back I phoned the bank on Skype and found they had blocked my card. Once unblocked I could withdraw money again and everything was back to normal which was a huge relief after the stress of the previous hour or so.

I met up with the guys again on the waterfront and had a few beers before it was time to go to bed.

New Sensation

Saturday 15 May
Taganga

There was more Formula One watching today, although as I was actually watching iPlayer (yes, in Colombia, with a hidden IP) given the distance and connection it was really slow. Still, it was good fun.

In the evening Le Lambadour started playing guitar and some French Canadians joined in. We took turns in playing each other songs and generally having a good time. One French Canadian guy did a very sleazy version of the Chaka Demus and Pliers’ classic Girl I’m Gonna Make You Sweat which was really funny.

And then it all came together. I can’t remember where we met Craig and Joe, but it was probably on the beach front where they were sitting drinking beer. So it was us and them and a few other people we had met along the way. We went to a bar called Sensations where we started quenching our well-earned thirst. Then someone came up to me and said “Hi Charlie!”

It was a little embarrassing as I didn’t know who they were! “You don’t remember us?” they asked. It turned out I had met them in Iguaçu on the Brazilian side. But the only people I remember from there were the Dutch guys I had dinner with. Who were these people? I had literally no idea. But they remembered me. In my defence it was about three and half months ago. But I am very bad at remembering people’s faces.

Then a bit later I did spot someone I recognised. It was the annoying Argentinean woman from Canoa, two months ago. I remembered her, as she was annoying. I spoke to her briefly and she was a bit less annoying this time. Though it was strange to meet so many people from my trip in one place. But anyway I was dancing and having fun.

We all spoke to this Colombian guy in glasses who said he was a lawyer but we couldn’t quite work out if he was telling the truth or not. I guess lawyers in Colombia might not look the same as they do back home. We all had a laugh with other randoms until it was time to go home.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Friday 14 May
Cartagena – Santa Marta – Taganga

Today I went back to the nice part of town which I had discovered yesterday evening. It was all nicely preserved colonial architecture painted in bright colours, with exposed wooden timbers and colourful plants falling out of every available surface. Very picturesque, very beautiful. Now I understood what all the fuss is about.

And the hawkers were here in the daytime as well. Of course they’re annoying as hell so it’s best to make fun of them. Most of them ask where you are from and I like to keep them guessing. They always guess English, American or Australian first so of course I pretended I wasn’t one of those. I was actually wearing my Roots t-shirt that had a Canadian flag on it (albeit very tiny) and despite this, one guy just couldn’t guess Canadia. You can also pretend to be Welsh as well, no one had that down as one of their options. Anyway, eventually they leave.

I went for lunch at a place called Oh La La, the restaurant that I couldn’t find yesterday evening. Turns out it was very posh and just a little bit expensive. Thankfully they had awesome air conditioning, which was a relief from the midday heat. I went for one of the cheapest things on the menu. The waitress described it to me in Spanish. I didn’t understand a word she was saying unfortunately, apart from “muy rico” meaning very good, which is better than the opposite at least. It turned out to be a glorified meat pie, and very tasty.

I booked a bus to go to Santa Marta and then spent most of the day waiting for it to turn up. This wouldn’t have happened under the Nazis, goddamit! About four hours later I was on my way. This was proper Colombian time. Around about 10pm I arrived in Santa Marta and caught a cab to Taganga, which was a short, windy mountain road over some hills to the next bay. I arrived at the hostel I had booked, only to find that they didn’t have my registration. Luckily there was another hostel right next door with beds available and it happened to be the one where Etienne, Le Lambadour was staying.

I went out to get some food and have a walk around town to see the lay of the land. I don’t think I went out that evening.

Come, Dowsed in Mud

Thursday 13 May
Cartagena

Craig was hungover this morning. This was a common occurrence. Craig was hungover a lot. Anyway despite all that, today was the day we went to the mud volcano. We gathered in the foyer of the hotel across the road from ours and waited for the bus to turn up. In the meantime some aged American hippy appeared out of nowhere and cornered Joe as he forcefully regaled him of times when he was the tour manager for The Doors. Clearly, he’d only come out of the experience slightly better than Jim Morrison. We felt sorry for Joe, stuck there having to listen to his stories with no escape. Thankfully after a tortuous half hour the bus turned up to take us to the volcano.

It is a thankfully dormant volcano, and one which contains a lot of mud. To be honest I wasn't sure it was actually a volcano. I mean, there was a conical mound with a lot of mud in a hole in the top. But theoretically it could have been man made. But then who would actually think to build such a thing? Probably best to take it at face value, hey?

Anyway they had built stairs up the side and a frame around the top so you could get in and out relatively easily. I say relatively as if you've never tried to move through a lot of mud, then you wouldn't know that it's pretty difficult. You can't swim through it like water. The density of the mud serves to hold you around your centre of gravity and any movement from your limbs has very little effect. Your best bet is to pull yourself along the side. The other really bizarre effect the mud has is to be so dense, you can't feel the bottom. Instead you stand there, suspended, with no idea what is keeping you there. I presume the mud is denser than humans as you don't sink lower than the middle of your chest. It is just the pressure of the mud that is holding you there. It is a truly bizarre feeling and one that was great to experience.

You could cover yourself in the mud and you looked like some superhero - you know, the ones that are all the same colour. Doctor Manhattan springs to mind. And if you moved your hand down quickly from above the surface to about a foot below, it made a pleasing "ploop" sound followed by a bubble that appeared a second afterwards and burst on the surface. That amused me for a long time.

There were some locals there to take your picture on your camera and give you a massage –whether you wanted it or not – and then afterwards you climbed, with difficulty, out of the mud and scraped off most of the mud still sticking to you. There was a surprising amount. Then you walked down to the nearby lake and a large Caribbean woman washed the remaining mud off you.

After that Joe, Craig and Etienne headed off to Taganga and I returned to Cartagena, once again left behind as the others moved on. I went out in the evening to find a restaurant that the guidebook recommended, though the first two places seemed to no longer exist. Looking for the third I eventually wandered into the old, historic part of town, which is what all the fuss is about. It was very beautiful, with old colonial buildings and lots of beautiful flowers and everything kept in good condition.

With all the tourism also comes the street hawkers hassling you to come in their restaurants, or if you’re not interested in that they are kind enough to offer prostitution or drugs as alternatives. However I found the third restaurant in the book, only to see that one of the others had moved from their previous location to next door to this one. Lunch tomorrow was sorted then. I went in and on the TV they were playing Leonard Cohen's First We Take Manhattan, one of my favourite songs, which was a good sign. They had a good selection of music playing there, including The PIxies' Gigantic and Pink Floyd's Shine on You Crazy Diamond.

I had a nice meal and started talking to a couple who were sitting next to me. She was Chilean and I think he was American. They were very friendly and good fun to talk to. That was pretty much it for that night.

Here Comes the Sun

Wednesday 12 May
Medellin – Cartagena

We arrived at the bus station in Cartagena. I get out of the bus and it hits me. It's hot. Damn hot. We're further north of the equator but we're 1500 meters lower, back at sea level, and the proper tropical-equatorial weather is back with us. It's 33 degrees in the shade here. This is more like it. Except of course on the bus I was wearing jeans. And the taxi I took didn't have air con. So I was hot. Too hot. But I was back in the Caribbean after a break of something like 12 years.

From the taxi to the hostel I could see the state of the city. It looked poor and dusty, very similar to how I remembered Port of Spain in Trinidad, when I was here last. The people were also more Afro-Caribbean as well. It really brought the memories back.

I arrived at the hostel and it looked really nice, all centred around a courtyard and mostly painted white with a small pool in the centre. I met Gentleman Steve, an English guy from the hostel at Medellin. He was kind enough to give me some of his left over food for lunch as I adjusted to the new climate and recovered from the bus ride.

I showered, changed and surfed the net as I waited for my room to be ready. The room was empty when I arrived so thankfully I could take a bottom bunk. Though there was no air con in the room, but an arrangement of fans that all seemed to point slightly away from the bed I’d chosen.

I went for a walk around the town. I was relying on my own random directions so didn't find the nice part of town. Instead I only saw all the crappy parts and wasn't impressed. I would find the nice bits later on.

In the evening I met up with Joe, Craig and Etienne as well as a guy called Daniel from my home town of Hammersmith, who despite his origin was actually 100% Italian, genetically at least. His crazy Sideshow Bob hair was awesome to look at, especially when it was wet and tried to reassert its structure against the weight of the water.

So we splashed about in the pool with the rest of the people from the hostel and ate at the barbeque that they had laid on. We played on Etienne's - or should I say Le Lambadour's - tiny guitar. I think we also went out after this - or at least tried to. But there wasn't much open and what was open was pretty "ordinary" as Australians say, meaning crap.

You’re Gone from Here and You Will Disappear

Tuesday 11 May
Medellín – Cartagena

It seems that I was always one day behind everyone else. Once again the hostel was pretty much empty as everyone had left the previous day. I checked out in the morning and surfed the web. There was some American guy studying Spanish in Medellín who needed some downloads so using some totally legal means* I helped him out.

I had a burger for dinner. There weren't many options nearby so that had to do. Then I took a taxi to the bus station and waited for my bus. I chose my bus by whichever hawker came up to me first. I don't usually do that but they were all dressed in smart uniforms so I went with it. While waiting in the station I found that they had free wifi - very enlightened. All public wifi should be free internationally. Take notice, Brazil and Heathrow.

As ever, once on the bus it wasn't long before I fell asleep, even though for once I wasn't that tired. My sleeping bag came into use once again as did my leather jacket, protecting me from the violent air conditioning. I was on my way to the coast.

*May not be true.

One Man’s Freedom Fighter

Monday 10 May
Medellín

I decided I wanted to see some other parts of Medellín apart from the little bit of suburbia where the hostel was, and the Zona Rosa which had the bars. So I headed in to the centre of town.

It was pretty boring, all big concrete buildings of no interest. I was getting hungry so I started looking for food but all I could see were crappy little almuerzo places and hundreds upon hundreds of fried chicken places. It must be like crack for the locals. My sensitive aesthete nature meant I couldn’t bring myself to eat in either of those places. So I kept searching.

Eventually I found a food hall in a small but smart shopping centre and had an almuerzo there. Of course I had no idea what I was actually ordering but it turned out to be fine, and everything seemed to be covered in orange juice or something equivalent. Even the salad dressing. Not the worst thing in the world.

Afterwards I decided to go and see the grave of Medellín’s most famous son – peasant, drug lord, murderer and church builder Pablo Escobar. I went to the tube station and took a taxi. Even though he didn’t speak any English he guessed what I wanted to see and pointed out the grave for me in the cemetery. Which was lucky as I had no idea where it was.

Once there I had to ask the gardener to take a picture for me. The ones I was taking myself weren’t coming out well at all. He even went to wash his hands to take the photo, which was kind of him.

In the taxi on the way back, the driver tried to engage me in conversation. There’s only so many times you can say, “no entiendo. Hablo solo un pocito Español.” Maybe he was telling me that in his life, Pablo Escobar was senator for the Medellín region, one of the top ten richest people in the world, his philosophy of “sliver or lead” – bribery or death, how he was the champion of the people by building schools, churches and hospitals, or how he was responsible for 90% of the cocaine going into America at one time. Maybe not.

Then I ate some pizza.

And So the Conversation Turned, As the Sun Went Down

Sunday 9 May
Medellín

I watched Doctor Who and Formula One. There was a barbeque at the hostel, so I ate some of that. I met up with the guys who went out clubbing the night before. They were still on it since then. To help with their current state of mind I talked about politics and macroeconomics. There was still an unresolved election taking place so the question on everyone's lips was, "What the fuck happens now?" Cue an explanation of hung parliaments and what it means, as well as a side explanation of what caused the global recession and how to get out of it. Despite this being definitively the most boring subjects in world everyone was gripped for some reason. I put it down to my ability to succinctly encapsulate the key ideas and communicate them in engaging layman's terms.

Of maybe it was the drugs. I think I even expounded on my theories behind why religion exists and the roles it played (explaining the world before science, a sense of morals, power structures, something to believe in). It was a heavy but enjoyable night.

Where Were You While We Were Getting High?

Saturday 8 May
Medellín

There aren’t many sights in Medellín. You don’t really come here for the culture. You come for the parties and the hostels. Despite that, there is a newly opened cable car and so I met up with Steve and Lucy from the hostel and we went off to have a look at it. We took the metro that runs along the valley floor shadowing the river that runs through it. The river has been beautifully landscaped into a design that has all the charm and elegance of a storm drain, which is really romantic. The metro is pretty clean and efficient though. We changed at one stop, took one cable car halfway up the mountain, and then took another to the top.

We passed a large, black, strangely shaped building and asked a local what it was. Apparently it was a library. Such strange architecture could only be a public building. I said it looked like a spaceship. Lucy mentioned that it wasn’t very aerodynamic, before I pointed out that there wasn’t any air in space.

Once we were at the top the second cable car kept on going, taking us over a vast forest and into the heart of a national park. Steve said that the forest looked very much like a forest. Nothing gets past that guy!

Once in the national park we decided to go for a bit of a walk and find a waterfall marked on a map. To be honest I wasn’t really up for it as I was a bit tired but I thought I’d give it a go. We think we found it, I wasn’t 100% sure but we did find a waterfall of sorts. It just wasn’t that spectacular. But then, I guess it was never going to be Iguazu.

We decided to go back a different way and promptly got lost. Luckily Steve had a GPS app on his iPhone that had been tracking us from the start, and using that we managed to get back. The wonders of technology, eh?

Back at the hostel I went out for a Mexican with some of the girls. I like Mexicans, but I couldn’t eat a whole one. Then when we came back we were supposed to go out to a club, but I was too tired. I went to bed hoping that I would have a power nap, but tiredness enveloped me like a slightly too thick duvet. Everyone else had an amazing night though. Which was annoying!

One of the things that I’ve noticed from this trip is that as I’m getting older I’m getting more and more tired, and conversely less and less sleep. It’s really frustrating. Part of the problem in Medellín is that I’m on the top bunk which I don’t like, and that it slopes slightly so I feel like I’m falling out all the time. Such is life.

I Was Born to Be a Dancer

Friday 7 May
Medellín

The area of the hostel I’m staying in is basically nice suburbia, which is quite pleasant, especially in the nice weather. I went to the supermarket to buy some food. It was fairly typical although one strange thing about Colombia is that the fresh milk comes in soft plastic bag containers, which is problematic when you don’t want to use a whole pint at once. Luckily I had some empty water bottles I could use for storage. They also often serve water and juice in similar containers. Crazy Colombians!

The other thing about Colombia and Medellín in particular is the extensive profusion of mullets that the guys have here. “Business at the front, party at the back;” it does look cool after all. Some American guy at the hostel had the misfortune of going to a hairdresser here and coming out looking like a latino. Not sure what all that is about really. You do get mullets elsewhere is South America – one of the Argentineans in Cusco had one after all – but there are whole schools of them here.

In the evening I went for a pizza with Mark and Russell, the Scousers, and then we met up with some girls from the hostel and went to Zona Rosa – disappointingly not the red light district but the bar area of Medellín, only 15 minutes walk from the hostel. When we arrived in one place the heavens opened and it rained like a bitch. We passed the time dancing some salsa which this time I managed to do more successfully with an English girl – so much so we were showing up the locals. Or at least I think that’s what we were doing. It was a bit frisky.

Vote Saxon

Thursday 6 May
Cali – Medellín

Arriving in Medellín, I caught a cab from the bus station. Despite having a card with the address and even a map on the back, the cab driver still managed to get lost. To be fair, that wasn’t hard given that the streets are like spaghetti, stretched across the sides of various mountains in the Andes. And that both the road and house numbering systems in Colombia are completely mad. For a start, the roads are numbered, but not in any sensible consecutive range. Sure, there might be two roads next to each other that are Calle 8 and Calle 9, but then the next one will be Calle 9a and then Calle 9b. And then when that section ends, Calle 10 will be half way across the city in another district.

And the numbers on the houses make no sense at all. For a start there are two sets of numbers, so a house will be number 8 – 173b. Why? Well clearly the city planners were smoking crack. That’s the most sensible explanation that we can tell. Having said that, the first number seems to be the same for all houses on one street, which immediately renders it irrelevant. So the second number is the real house number. So why the first number? Well there must be some reason, and I bet there’s a Dan Brown novel in it. But I never worked it out.

But perhaps the real reason is that it’s an endemic, elaborate scam so that when foreigners arrive in the country, the taxi drivers have free reign to rip them off by pretending that they’re lost. Although they probably are.

Anyway eventually we found the place and the cab driver was only too happy to take my 10,000 peso note as payment, despite the counter not being above 8,000. Rip offs like that are so common that I couldn’t be bothered to argue, I’d rather take the peace and quiet. And as it amounted to about 70 pence too much, it wasn’t a big deal.

In the evening when I was surfing the web I discovered a site where I could view a live stream of the BBC News channel. Since the polls closed at 10pm UK time that was 4pm Colombian time so I could see the results come in. I watched them for a bit and saw the exit polls which was bad news for the Lib Dems but excitingly there was no majority for any party, so we were in unchartered waters as to who was going to form a government for the first time in an generation. The hilarious “con-dem” joke was still a few days away.

In the evening I met up with a couple of guys from Liverpool who had earlier borrowed a plug adapter. We went to a local microbrewery, which was a first for me in South America. We met some girls from Ireland who the Scousers knew and had some fun with them.

After we came back I caught up on the latest developments on the election while the guys kept drinking. Eventually they left before giving me a shout to come with them as they were too drunk to remember. Which was a bit poor. But then I went out to where they were planning to be, but they weren’t. The place was OK – and there were free drinks after you pay the entrance fee – but as there was no one there that I knew, I left after a short while. I had also run out of cash so I had to stop at a cash machine on the way home. I listened to the election results on my headphones as I fell asleep.

Wastin' Time

Wednesday 5 May
Cali – Medellin

I didn’t do much today either. The hostel was still empty. I did have a nice almuerzo at a cafe near the hostel that no one recommended, which was a nice surprise.

In the evening I met up with an amusing, fat guy from Malta who had a great accent. It was essentially an Italian accent with all the musical ups and downs that come with it with a sprinkling of cockney and a smidgen of weird randomness. He told me how great Medellin was. We had dinner and then I caught the bus to Medellin. It was pretty cold so it was lucky that I had my jacket and sleeping bag with me. I fell asleep pretty quickly.

I Like to Watch TV

Tuesday 4 May
Cali

I woke up late after the previous night. For some reason everyone was leaving today. So from the hostel being almost completely full last night, there were only about six people in the whole place by midday. I filled my time by updating my blog and uploading photos to Facebook. I had downloaded the DVD of the Pet Shop Boys gig that I went to in December, so I killed some more time by watching that too.

In the evening I watched a few films on the TV in the hostel with some English guy who was there. I saw the end of Apocalypto which I had been meaning to do for ages but had never got round to doing. We watch Book of Eli but I fell asleep during that. I don’t think I missed much. And then we watch This Is It, the Michael Jackson documentary on his final concert filmed during the rehearsals. It did seem to show how out of touch he was with reality. Every time someone disagreed with him he would get agitated and say “It’s all about the love,” for no apparent reason. Mad as a box of frogs.

Blame Canada

Monday 3 May
Cali

I was woken up in the morning by the other people in my room arriving home from the club. So I killed them. Killed them all to death. No I didn’t. I was just mildly annoyed and tried to sleep some more.

Come the morning I hung out with them and went to breakfast with some of them. The breakfast was OK. I didn’t do much during the day. Cali’s not exactly a city of beauty. Its culture comes from it apparently being the world capital of salsa, but they haven’t bothered with anything visual like architecture. It has a similar brash, commercial, uninspiring look of some of the more slapdash, American-style towns in Ecuador and Brazil. I had a bit of a walk around town but there wasn’t much to be said for it. In the evening I made some pasta.

I was in two minds whether to go out that night as I was still a bit tired. But in the end I decided to go anyway. We caught a taxi to some salsa place. The girl from the hostel told them where to go. Then we set off. There was a torrential rainstorm taking place and the roads were soaked with water. Of course that didn’t stop our driver racing as fast as he could down the roads like some crazy, possessed rally driver (though still no patch on that driver from Salvador). The roads weren’t exactly in the best condition. There were potholes everywhere and badly surfaced tarmac. We seemed to be travelling at about 100 miles an hour and then suddenly jerking back and forth as though the steering was faulty – which it probably was – past invisible obstacles in the road. The car’s movement combined with the road surface meant that it felt like we were in an extremely fast washing machine, that hadn’t been secured properly to the floor. Another way to describe it would be like being driven at high speed by an epileptic, during a fit, in a typhoon. Which we probably were.

We arrived at some nightclub, but it wasn’t the one that we had asked for. We didn’t have much Spanish between us in our car, but there was another cab with us that had someone who did. They seemed to be waiting for a while which was confusing, as we should have been going to the correct place. I left the car and went and asked what was going on. After a bit of back and forth we were on our way to the correct place.

Another life-threatening taxi journey later and we had arrived. On the way it seemed like the taxi driver was trying to charge us more than the pre-arranged fee, but we weren’t sure because of the lack of language skills. So we paid him the original fare and went in.

Once inside we realised that after a while, only half of the other cab were in the club. I asked why they weren’t here. It seems they had decided to wait in the other cab, until we had paid what the cab driver was asking. This was complete madness. Firstly, they were trying to rip us off, secondly, it wasn’t their cab. These people were idiots. They were also Canadian. I guess they were being nice to the point of stupidity. I went outside and told them to come in, which they did. Someone’s got to tell them what to do. Very strange.

Inside the club we experienced how the capital of salsa works. Of course all the guys and girls have been dancing salsa since they were conceived (in fact, that’s probably how they were conceived) so they were pretty good at it. What was unusual was that as each song ended, the entire dance floor cleared and everyone sat down again. And then ten seconds later, when the next song started, everybody took to the floor once again. How on earth were you supposed to hit on the girls when you only had one song to do it? They were really making it hard for themselves. Or rather, they were making it hard for us uncoordinated gringos that couldn’t dance.

As anyone who’s watched X Factor knows, lack of talent is no reason not to try, so we had a go. Back in London in beginner salsa classes I look quite good – I can pick it up pretty quickly. Here in Colombia in the capital of salsa I’m as sexy and fluid as a can of baked beans. It didn’t help that my dancing partner was a Kiwi girl with even less fluidity than me.

Then, a couple of hours in, our taxi driver returned and asked for the extra money once again. I of course brushed him off but he had spied a weak point and exploited it mercilessly. He started hassling our Canadian cousins again. Eventually for some crazy reason – probably to make him go away – they paid up, which was plainly ridiculous. They had now let themselves be ripped off for someone else’s cab, which, to be fair, takes some doing. What were they thinking? Anyway I gave them a bit of cash because I felt sorry for them, but the other people in my cab were on a tight budget and weren’t going to pay. They shouldn’t have paid in the first place.

Anyway once we had made the most of it we headed back home.

A Man, a Plan, a Canal: Panama!

Sunday 2 May
Cusco – Lima, Peru – Panama City, Panama – Cali, Colombia

We arrived in Lima at about 4.30. I caught a taxi to the airport, found a cafe and had a bite to eat and a cup of tea to revive myself slightly. I then decided to see if I could check in to get rid of my large bag at least. It turned out that there was actually an earlier flight leaving in just over an hour that I could get on, rather than having to spend most of the day in Lima airport and arriving in Cali late at night. Sounded like a plan to me!

I boarded the flight, and they were playing the film Invictus which I wanted to watch, so I saw that. For some reason, they didn’t mention that they poisoned the All Blacks in the final and they changed François Pienaar’s character from gregarious to introverted – but apart from that, it was a good and factually accurate film. I slept afterwards and woke up just as we landed in Panama.

So here I was, unexpectedly in Central America, for just over an hour. All I saw was the inside of the airport, which wasn’t particularly exciting. It seemed a bit tacky and over commercialised. So it was probably a good thing I wasn’t there for long.

I flew to Cali and took a while to find a cash machine, before taking a taxi to the hostel. I had a shower and then fell asleep, catching up on the sleep lost to crying infants. I woke up in the afternoon and hung out with the people in the hostel, which was putting on a barbeque. I had a drink and a chat and then went to sleep again.

Saying, as He Drowned the Third...

Saturday 1 May
Cusco – Lima

I woke up nice and early to catch my bus. I had breakfast at the hostel and while I waited I checked the internet. And then I waited. And then I waited some more. And just to change things up a bit, I did some waiting. A couple of days later, my breakfast arrived. DON’T THEY KNOW THERE’S A WAR ON?!?!? It was lucky I had woken up early...

I had a quick shower and packed and then managed to share a cab to the bus station with some Dutch girls who were also heading there. They were good fun to spend a ten minute cab journey with and it was a shame they weren’t going to the same place as me.

On the bus I had a seat right at the front, which was good for the view but short on leg room. The bus was OK, so not as good as the ones in Argentina but not as bad as Ecuador. In fact the worst buses are in Ecuador and not Bolivia, where bad buses do exist but you can pay a small amount more for the nicer ones with personal butlers and fine wines*. It was also a shame that I didn’t take the one I had originally intended to – I saw one of their buses and it looked like a sleek, black spaceship.

At first I had two seats to myself but then an hour or two in and a fat, old, smelly Peruvian woman came and sat next to me. At least I had a great view of the mountains as we worked our way down to the coast.

I drifted in and out of sleep. And then, across from me, there’s a couple with a child. The kid is screaming. Constantly. I resign myself to no sleep, and start to watch movies on my laptop instead. The kid has a nasty habit of screaming for an hour or so and then stopping for about an hour and a half, before starting again. It makes me worry that if I were a parent, I might think that at times murder might be an entirely reasonable parental behaviour.

I worked out later that the distance to Lima from Cusco by road is around 600 miles (which makes an average speed of 30 miles an hour) but as the crow flies it’s 350. The mountains almost double the length of the trip, and possibly slow it down by more than twice as the average speed would probably be much faster if the road was direct. Then divide by the number you first thought of.

The wilderness out there was something else, though I wouldn’t want to get stuck in it. I try and get what sleep I can in between thoughts of infanticide.

*may not be true

Why Does Everything Have to Be Such a Performance?

Friday 30 April
Cusco

I had booked a bus to go to Lima on Saturday, as I had a flight on Sunday afternoon to Colombia. It was booked for midday as the journey was about 20 hours and, accounting for potential delays, I would arrive in good time.

However when I picked up the ticket it turned out that, as it was Workers’ Day on Saturday, i.e. 1st May, half the buses weren’t running and my midday bus had disappeared into a puff of worker’s solidarity. The people at the travel agency had booked me on a bus for 5.30, but that was too close to call for catching my flight. The only other option was to catch a bus at 8.00 which was frankly far too early in the morning to be civilised, but that’s all I had.

In the evening I met up with an English guy from my room. We set out to find an Indian restaurant somewhere on the edge of the centre of town. We knew the road and how to get there but didn’t have the full address. Plus the house numbering system in Cusco was a bit erratic (not as confusing as in Colombia, but that’s another story). The road the restaurant was on was a long road and despite walking to the edge of town and back, and asking people who sent us off in some interesting restaurant-free directions, we did find it eventually.

The curry was OK though of course nothing compared to Palace Tandoori on Fulham Palace Road – but then what does? Nothing I tell you. Nothing! I had a chat with the English guy and it turns out he’s an actor. Now there’s something I’ve noticed about actors and that is that some of them, when you’re with them for long periods, can become a little bit irritating.

It’s a bit of a cliché to say that they act (...) like everything is a show, but that’s how it comes across. It’s like they’re more interested in making an impression on you – of any sort – then just having fun and going with the flow and enjoying whatever happens. Well that was the case with this guy. He was alright at first but as the evening wore on he became just a little bit tedious.

After the curry we went out to the clubs again and I ended up going back to Mythology as I liked it so much there, and the other guy went to another place where there was free drinks. Not that it mattered too much as I wasn’t staying out late anyway as I had my bus to catch in the morning.

A Series of Small Walls

Thursday 29 April
Cusco

So I went and bought a new padlock as I had to cut the other one open with a pair of giant scissors. One of the bad things about Cusco is the large number of touts offering you massages every five seconds. It was particularly annoying this morning as I has to cross the main square quite a few times today as I sorted things out after the previous night’s shenanigans.

However there was something else going on in the main square today. There was some kind of parade with lots of school children. They were all dressed up in uniform as though they were tiny soldiers – they had epaulettes, those rope things you get around the shoulder, all that kind of thing. It looked pretty cool.

I realised I had lost my sunglasses again. Oh well. I had made friends with a Canadian girl who shared a room with a couple of Argentineans and a Chilean. They were all heading to Sachsayhuaman (a..k.a. Sexywoman) today so I tagged along as I wanted to see that as well. They were all pretty cool people.

As well as Sexywoman there were a few other sites nearby, so we decided to do all of them as well. We took a taxi and went to one of the sites furthest from Cusco to work our way back. The first site was a series of small walls, though there was one rock in it that seemed to be a representation of Machu Picchu.

The second place was a temple built on a natural spring, and still had the water running through it producing a series of small fountains. It was starting to get cold and I had been unprepared for the exposed places that we were going, so it was a prime opportunity to buy the token alpaca jumper. I chose one with llamas on it. Well you have to really, don’t you?

After those two sites, which were pretty close to each other, we set off cross country to a random rock that was apparently of importance. It took us a while to get there and it didn’t help that I was only wearing Converse. But eventually we arrived and had a look around. It was apparently a temple of the moon, and there were various shapes cut out of the volcanic rock. It was clear that this rock had been formed by an underwater volcano, as it had the same jagged edges of the rocks in the Galapagos. We took a picture where we sacrificed the Canadian girl. Well, when in Rome, you know?

The light was starting to fade but with our Latin American sense of urgency we didn’t worry too much about that. We worked our way back to Sexywoman, having to cross a small ravine in the process. We ended up taking a cab once we were back on the main road as things were getting a bit late. We arrived at Sexywoman just as the sun was setting.

It’s a big old place, looking much like a fort even though it’s actually a temple. The rocks were six metres high on the ground level, and there were three levels (representing the three levels of the universe: the underworld, earth and the spirit world, represented by the snake, the puma and the condor). We hired a guide who told us about the history of the place. From the top we could see the whole of Cusco spread out beneath us, lit up in orange street lights as the night approached.

After that we returned to the hostel. There was a pub crawl on that night, so I decided I would go along to that. It ended up being pretty much just a normal night out, going to most of the bars I had been to before. I randomly met one of the people I was hanging out with in the Galapagos on the street, though at first I thought it was someone else entirely. Which was strange. We ended up at Mythology again. I think this was the night that was Queen’s Day in the Netherlands, and as such everyone was dressed in orange. I’m not sure why they celebrate that Dutch holiday in Peru.

I had some fun with a local girl and chatted with a typically tall Dutch guy who explained all the cheesy Dutch songs that were playing from time to time.

When I returned to the hostel I drank lots of water and found my sunglasses.